Universal Studios Orlando 2025#
They say theme park vacations are for relaxation, but “they” clearly haven’t tried to balance a 90% rum-to-coke ratio with a high-speed sprint to the Velocicoaster. My November trip to Orlando was less of a vacation and more of a tactical exercise in endurance, involving high-stakes lounge raids, a religious experience on a Jurassic coaster, and a very public contribution to the Universal plumbing system. From the high-end scallops of Epic Universe to the “walk of shame” after a Panda Express disaster, here is the unfiltered reality of four days spent chasing thrills, dodging water cannons, and surviving on sheer adrenaline (and the occasional Tums).
Day 1: 🍻 Day Zero: We Are Professionals#
The journey began not with a noble quest, but with a strategic raid on the Delta Lounge on Friday. We didn’t fly first-class, but I certainly ate like it. Chicken, desserts… standard pre-flight fuel. I even managed to smuggle some contraband desserts in a cup to my coworkers, Nikhil and Evan, before boarding the Delta flight to Orlando. That, friends, is commitment.
Upon landing, we located our coworker, Mariuxi, and sensibly ordered an XL Lyft. There’s no dignity in theme park travel, only efficiency. We checked into the Hyatt Place across from Universal and celebrated our arrival by immediately settling for the most predictable meal possible: TGI Fridays. The standards were low, but the excitement was high.
Day 2: 🌊 Water Torture and the World’s Best Coaster#
Saturday was dedicated to Islands of Adventure. We arrived slightly behind schedule, only to find my brother, Nick, and his boyfriend, Jeff, already there—smugly enjoying their Universal hotel Early Access benefits (meaning they’d already done Velocicoaster and, yes, eaten Green Eggs and Ham). The privilege is staggering.
We launched into the day with the classics: the incredible Hulk Coaster, the sheer terror of Doctor Doom’s Fearfall, and the slightly less terrifying Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man.
Then came the baptism by H₂O. We decided to get the water rides out of the way, which is code for “willingly subjecting ourselves to a full-body power-washing.” Dudley Do-Right’s Ripsaw Falls, Popeye and Bluto’s Bilge-Rat Barges, and Jurassic Park River Adventure left us looking like drowned rats. We then paid tribute to the god of warmth by cowering under a paid heater (worth every penny) before conquering my new life obsession: Velocicoaster. It’s not just a ride; it’s a religious experience.
Lunch at the Lost Continent was a necessary cooldown, featuring my kebab salad. After hitting Hagrid’s Motorbike Adventure (and shedding a tear for the closed Forbidden Journey), we chugged some essential frozen butterbeer. The group then began to splinter: Nick and Jeff left (not enough Express Pass power), and Mariuxi went shopping.
The remaining squad (Nikhil, Evan, and I) leveraged our Unlimited Express Passes to marathon Velocicoaster and Hagrid’s. This is where things went sideways. We ate a banana split in Seuss Landing, and I procured a frozen rum and coke from Jurassic Park that was apparently 90% rum. I immediately felt awful, had to throw myself onto a bench, and stabilized the situation with a pizzadog from Marvel Super Hero Island. Rehydrated and cheesed-up, we re-rode Spider-Man and Hulk one last time.
The night ended with a catastrophic dinner decision: Panda Express in CityWalk. Eww. We were too bloated to ride, so we performed the walk of shame back to the hotel.
Day 3: 🌌 Exploring the New Epic Universe#
Sunday—the day of the brand new Epic Universe. A Lyft ride took too long, and I arrived late to our VIP tour with no coffee and no food. This is the horror movie setup for me.
We started in the breathtaking Ministry of Magic (Paris theme). The ride was visually stunning but left me feeling queasy. The immediate next stop? Stardust Racers, the massive dueling coaster. I wisely sat out and went to the restroom to… well, let’s just say I made a contribution to the Universal plumbing system. Mariuxi, the angel of recovery, handed me a banana, and Evan and I shared a Tums. (We blamed the Panda Express.)
After a quick stop at the How to Train your Dragon area for the minor coasters (I avoided the barrel roll on Dragon Racers Rally—Nikhil, the show-off, failed to pull it off), and some bland popcorn, we moved on.
Super Mario World was cool, but it was basically the Osaka park transplanted. We dominated Donkey Kong and Mario Kart, ignoring the “boring” Yoshi ride. Dark Universe redeemed the morning entirely. The spinning coaster, Curse of the Werewolf, was fun, but Monsters Unchained was an instant favorite.
The VIP tour ended, and we descended upon Atlantic, the full-service seafood restaurant. The Sweet and Spicy Shrimp, House Salad, and my Scallops entree were, without question, the best theme park food I have ever consumed. The NYC prices ($40+ for an entree) were justified by the fact that I didn’t need a Tums afterward.
Feeling 100% human again, we met Nick and Jeff and caught the excellent Le Cirque Arcanus show (after the Untrainable Dragon show was canceled, then uncanceled and seen later). We marathoned Stardust Racers, confirming the Yellow track is superior, all while I consumed a Tteokbokki skewer, a Donkey Kong-themed ice cream/soda with a collectible mug, and a Philly Cheese Dog. We closed the park by watching the majestic light and water show.
Day 4: 🎬 Family, Fun, and Foot Blisters#
Monday meant a final park: Universal Studios Florida. Evan and I walked over and immediately sought refuge (and coffee) at the Starbucks in the NYC area.
We headed to Diagon Alley for Escape from Gringotts. Evan’s coffee couldn’t fit in the locker, so I hit the single-rider line, which was a mythical walk-on. Evan initially claimed the ride was bad, but after we rode it together (and he finished his coffee), he admitted he actually enjoyed it. Redemption!
The whole group united for Mummy (a great clone of the Hollywood version) and the bizarre, but kinda funny, Jimmy Fallon Race Through New York. Then, we experienced the legendary worst ride in the park: Fast & Furious: Supercharged. The only positive were the actors in the preshow. Family. We quickly recovered with the fun dark ride, Transformers.
Lunch at Finnegan’s was satisfying (onion rings, fish and chips), but decidedly “normal theme park food.” Next, The Simpsons Ride—a bit dated, but I enjoyed the ancient Waterworld references. Mariuxi bought a massive pink donut outside and immediately executed a spectacular drop-and-grieve performance while taking a photo. We also hit up Men in Black Alien Attack, a fun shooting ride similar to Buzz Lightyear. I scored the highest of the four of us (me, Nick, Evan, and Nikhil)—a nice win!
We took the Hogwarts Express back to Islands of Adventure for a farewell to Velocicoaster (multiple times, obviously). The night ended with a much-needed Lyft ride to Kpot for AYCE Hot Pot and KBBQ, necessitated by the massive blister that had developed under my left foot. The food was glorious, a well-deserved feast after a near-fatal week.
Day 5: 🏡 Homeward Bound#
The grand adventure concluded with the inevitable trip to MCO. Evan flew out early. Mariuxi, Nikhil, and I shared one last Lyft. We parted ways with Nikhil at his terminal and retreated to a cafe for Cuban food and coffee—a much more dignified meal than Friday’s TGI Fridays. The final test? My flight’s infotainment system decided to stage a protest, requiring a flight attendant intervention. Finally, after landing at EWR, we shared a multi-stop Uber, dropping us off one by one, back into the soul-crushing reality of home life.
